you can talk a real big game up

looking at this next week with a lot of apprehension.  we have our final exam on thursday, and our oral exam for class (I'm doing a presentation in arabic on Qur'an recitation), and in addition to that we have two Oral Proficiency Interviews to prove our level of comprehension and ability to synthesize.  I'm pretty nervous. the downside to this programme is that there isn't really enough time to absorb words quantitatively.  we've gone through a lot of grammar concepts and patterns that I haven't had any trouble absorbing, but there are only so many words I can get in my brain at once.  that makes me nervous for the oral interviews.  but, I'll practice lots before and hope it works out well for me.  I don't expect outstanding marks, I'd just like to be able to use a positive level on transfer applications.  I think I also should probably take a French OPI at some point so that I can put that on applications, too. 

tonight the arabic programme cooked dinner for all the other programmes here.  we made kabob and shawarma and tajine and shish taouk and lybian rice and tabouli and yogurt salad and salata al-borduqal and baklava and kunafa and adeer al-afukadu.  it was really delicious.  cooking together was a lot of fun, and then sitting down to eat together felt like family.  it was really enjoyable.  

I only have five more days here, which I am pretty happy about.  I'm ready for a little bit of summer vacation before heading back to the city for fall semester.  it's going to be a very busy semester.  I can't wait to get back to it, and I especially can't wait to get back to my life and figure out what it is.  this summer school adventure has sort of shaken me up and now I can't really even tell if I have my bearings on what I want or even what I'm doing.  so in the next few weeks, I'm going to be listening to a lot of music, exercising a lot and journaling often in order to try to sort things out.  

the longer I've been here the more sure I am that I need to try to transfer colleges...  it's a sad realization;  I never thought I'd really feel this way.  it's saddest because I don't want to leave based on not liking where I am, but because I need more.  I am so happy in the city with my people.  

I have to start packing up here soon.  I'm glad to be leaving.  for once in my life, I don't think I'll have a hard time with leaving somewhere.  I will miss my friends here very much.  some of them are the most genuine people I've ever had a chance to spend time with, which is a strange sensation.  but I can feel in myself that I'm ready to move into what's coming next.  it's going to be important for me to keep attention on myself and my goals in the coming semester.  I have a lot of things to figure out and a lot of work to do in order to do that.  

David set off this morning on his poetry adventure.  he texted me this morning as he was leaving, and I got swept up in that sensation of adventure:  what an incredible one he is stepping into today.  I wish that I could be there with him...  but it reminded me that I am adventuring to, just in a more contained way.  

there are a few hours left of sunlight today.  I'm going to go sit in the fresh air and work on some crazy arabic grammar, and possibly do some figuring out of where I am these days.