I'm keeping all my doubts close

Why hello there. It's been a very very long time since I've posted anything on this bloggity. That's only testament to exactly how non-stop my academics have been. I'm taking 21 credits this semester. I am taking: Physics 110, Econ 100, Islamic Law, French 301, and sociology class about the Middle East, and I'm also teaching two conversation groups for French 101. In terms of the less academic things, I'm the Administrative Assistant to the treasurer of the student government, working on applications for school in the summer and fall. And, of course, knitting and playing music and going to concerts.

The last month has had its ups and downs, trying to sort out how to balance my time-consuming academics with my sortofrelationship and friendships. And where to put me time in all of that? Finding free time is a struggle, so I make homework time me time, lots of the time. And being sick for two weeks set me back a lot. The last week has been very, very stressful. Certainly one of the busiest of my life, but not as busy as the last week of school last semester when I went home to be with family in the middle of finals and then came back to sort things out, had a break up, lost a beloved family member, had to study for finals, pack myself up and say goodbye to my first year of college, my friends and take a step into a new era of my life.

The weather has finally turned from sunny and warm to cold and rainy. A part of me loves and will always love the rainy cold depressing weather we get here, but another part of me struggles when it turns. It's not a conscious thing, but my feelings get a little achey when the sun stops shining and if I'm not paying attention I forget it's about the weather, not me.

I have been starting to see the ways that sophomore year is going to challenge me. It's a little bit painful: there's a sense of stagnation sometimes. There's no more of the sense of starting a huge new journey in my life the way there was last year, but there's a sense of buckling down to do what is the right work to be doing now and a sense of finding things. And there's still a sense of being lost and being found all at once. I keep finding myself feeling introverted at times when other people are feeling extroverted and vice versa.

Joshy and I went on our first date on Friday night. By that, I mean we went off campus to dinner just the two of us for the first time ever. No friends, and not on campus. It was incredibly wonderful and strange to finally be on a "real" date with someone I've been dating on and off for the last... five months?

Last night, Lauren, Casey, Danielle and I went off campus to a sukkot celebration that our beautiful friend Liam was throwing at Aliyah's house. There were so many beautiful people there, and tea candles and a wonderful sukkah and delicious food. I made my first potato kugel; it was delicious. Katherine invited me to go to a concert with her, so I went. It was nice to be spontaneous and with new people and at a house show, not a venue. The music was pretty good, too. Mostly it was nice to be out with people I really like but don't know terribly well in a new place doing something I don't do often.