hyper-drive uncertainty

coming back to school has been making me feel so unsure of things.  even the idea of myself and how I behave (this is not even as cool as an existential crisis) has been very unclear.  I played cards with some friends tonight and had a lot of fun and laughed a lot, but didn't feel very much like myself.  maybe it was just a part of me I don't like very much.  anyway, at then end of the game, I felt saturated.  then I couldn't focus at all on cleaning my room or doing homework so I baked a cake.  the people that I fed it to were really grateful but it was very selfish for the most part.  I needed a distraction and I needed to feel something positive.  that's rather an ethical dilemma but I don't really believe that motive is necessarily able to degrade the act itself.  I can't really land on one or even a few simple ideas about why I feel this way.  I wasn't able to conclude anything except that I miss home and my family and my friends from home and also that, as Lauren says, stepping back into the routine is rough.  Those things are definitely true.  But I also feel bourn by a deep restlessness and dissatisfaction.  It's not a dissatisfaction with my life or anything in particular, but really just an inexplicable sense there being something missing from my life.  tomorrow, I will try to get ahead on my homework so that when Monday rolls around, I will be on top of my game.  maybe things will start to get better once I feel more in control of my school stuff.  I don't know.  none of this is particularly bad.  in my happiness class, we've been talking about how philosophies of happiness are frequently tied to the ideas of pleasure and pain.  not just one or the other but the essential dichotomy of both.  

in other less important news, I am thinking about rearranging my side of my room.  I'd like to put my mattress on the floor under my lofted bed frame, and then put my fridge on my bed frame and my desk where my fridge is and my bookshelf where the trash is and the trash also on top of my bed frame.  I think I'll try and do it within the next two weeks or so, but I need some extra strong bodies to help me.  Maybe I can get some extra bed parts from the bed parts room and make a very low bottom bunk for my mattress and then I won't have to be right on the floor.  I'll let you know what happens with that.