2 am quietude

I only have a few minutes left of battery on my computer but I wanted to take some time to check in.  I have had a really frightening and opening realisation in the last few months that really came to head in the last few days.  Such as it is, the revelation essentially entails that I don't really want to be studying International Affairs anymore.  I really resisted letting that in, but I had a very good talk with David about why it's important to study something for which you have deep affinity.  I have a sense that it's so hard to let go of something I've been so certain of for the last two years, that it feels a little bit like giving up.  But at the same time, it feels so good.  

I have so much freedom right now to explore topics that I've dreamed about exploring, like political economy, and it's really given me the opportunity to reassess what it is that I want to be doing.  That plan feels a little wobbly still, but I get the feeling that whatever I do will seem natural when I get there.  So, right now I'm considering Foreign Languages with a minor in Political Economy or Political Science (revitalising the administrative battle over languages) or self-designing a major in Middle Eastern Studies.  The Middle Eastern Studies thing has been something that I'm essentially doing anyway, but it's something I've shied away from because it has felt a little disingenuous.  But it doesn't anymore. I really looked at the classes I want to take and the language stuff, etc.  and it all kind of pans out into exactly that.  Either way, it entails an administrative battle.  If I feel that I ought to eschew one of those (not a likely occurrence) then I'll probably major in french and minor in political science or political economy.  Deep down, I just want to take a bunch of awesome classes that are generally related and call them some fancy title and call it a major.  Not going to happen, though so I'm thinking institutionally, but for the first time I have freedom to explore.  It's wonderful.  I might even treat myself to an English class.  

Happy Easter. Chag Sameach.